Higher Power, AA, and resistance to recovery

I am in my second stint of A.A. This time around, the sticking point of the Higher Power concept isn't bothering me. I think I'm more forgiving, less judgemental. Through more time, more life experience, I have lost some of that youthful arrogance that actually boxed me in many a time.

In 2001, I entered A.A. It was in the northern California area, full of scientists and programmers. The demographic of the meetings was diverse. The beliefs of folks varied widely. But I chose to see it as a cult of religion. Of Christianity in particular. And I used this as a rationalization not to go, and thereby not to get some of the help that A.A. has to offer. I did not know how to take what I needed and leave the rest.

I now believe that Bill and Bob went out of their way to make A.A. open, theologically but that the language THEY knew and used was that of the Bible. Buddhism had not become pervasive, Islam, New Age. Sure, they existed, but you would've had to really work to seek it out, and it was definitely fringe in this country in the 20's and 30's.

Their incorporation and mention of William James in the Big Book I think demonstrates their openness. James' book was somewhat revolutionary at that time, akin to something like The Secret now ( I don't like the book ).

Addicts will quickly latch onto whatever supports their drinking life. A.A. is a cult, I'm not going, therefore I'm on my own. I do believe that I can't do this on my own, so then what are my alternatives? Humans do fairly well when they get together in a group and work things out, on a small scale. At the very least, A.A. is a social support group. It's a place where I don't have to explain my behavior, soften my deeds, because there is always someone else who has gone further than I did.

Now there are 12 Step Buddhist meetings, Stoicism and REBT address addiction. These outlooks parallel much of what Bill and Bob said or I should say unknowingly, Bill and Bob touched on many of the themes of these areas of study. Thoughts create feelings. We don't have to believe everything we think. We promote our thoughts to a god-like status, taking for granted that we must act on each and every one. That type of impulsivity can lead to interesting outcomes.

There are other groups I belong to that aren't perfect. I still go to them because there are parts that I enjoy. I don't think of leaving them because someone is an asshole. My addiction wants me to find fault in anything that will help me.

Poetry is a way to erase and redefine your language and thought

As a musician for many years, I always wondered if my thought was changed by the language I was using, namely, sound and symbols. I think in many cases it might have been, but these are different centers of the brain. Further, we often read literature and non-fiction, mulled the ideas that were stimulated by this input, and translated into sound.

Lately, I find myself agreeing with philosophers and linguists in the notion that poetry helps us to get to something real. Real being defined as, something that takes us out of our programming. Programming meaning, we ingest and then assume information from a variety of sources, and they become habitual. This is the nature of most humans. Otherwise, we would be juggling all input as "new" and be overwhelmed.

One reason why I, and others I presume, meditate or follow some eastern thought, is that it's essential message is to be fully present, seeing events, things, the world, as something new and fresh.

For me, poetry is becoming a way to be engaged in all of these, while using my language, I am also in some sense rising out of it, distancing myself from my habitual language, and reforming the assumptions I make with regard to words and the world.